You have been up since well before sunrise. You have finished a fresh cup of Jo and are on the way to the farm. Its a perfect morning. Cold and crisp with a star filled sky. You slink through the bush and climb into your stand; silent and undetected. First light comes and the woods takes life. An ever so slight breeze wafts your breath back behind you. The mornings first flight of teal whistles over head as the sun begins to skirt the horizon. This early November morning couldn’t be shaping up any nicer as you await that chance at a Boon and Crocket wall hanger.
That’s when it hits you. It starts as a low grade rumble but it continues to churn and stir until it cannot be ignored. Yes you know what I am talking about. And you think to yourself “why did I eat that breakfast burrito (insert other microwaved delight)?”
Now you’re in a pickle. That 10 point potentially working the scrape line to your west is the last thing on your mind. Now this brings me to the reason for my post because what you do next could be the difference between eating backstraps and a cold stall armed with one-ply at a near by truck stop. So hear are 5 tips every hunter should know for when nature calls.
1. Preparation: Always keep the environment in mind. There are plenty of eco friendly bio degradable toilet paper options that are way nicer on the bottom than any leaf you will find in the woods.
2. Location location location: Be cognizant of where the deer will be walking. Think about where your hunting buddies are sitting, no one wants to see that. And mostly think about the land owner. That farm equipment may provide some nice shelter but believe me its a poor choice. Think about wind direction and if you are really adventurous think about a creek squat.
3. The settup: I cannot over estimate this point! The importance of finding a nice log to hang over is crucial! Not too big or you wont clear it and not too small because well we aren’t as thin as we were in high-school.
4. The finish: step away from the danger zone! Remember you will be trying an acrobatic maneuver here with your pants around your ankles.
5. Last but not least: Let us not forget what got us to this point, bare-bottomed in the woods in all of natures glory. BRING YOUR BOW. Don’t be that guy (or lady) who gets caught with their pants down and their bow in the tree!
Now hopefully this has provided you with a couple chuckles but I assure you if you pay attention to these tips they will keep you out of trouble and your bottoms clean. We are continuing to look for turkey stories so if you’ve bagged one this spring send us you story. As always be safe and happy hunting!